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NINE pieces of eight...

And it only gets more confusing from there. Pieces of eight are a kind of Spanish coin, but in the context of Pirates of the Caribbean 3, I think it would make more sense for them to be looking for the ninth piece of something of which there are only eight. I mean, if Jack Sparrow can come back from the dead after battling a ship full of himself, then why can't they be in need of something impossible to obtain?

Here are some highlights for you: Jack Sparrow is crazier (and not in a good way), Will Turner is whimpier, Kiera Nightly (I forgot her stupid character's name) is more annoying and indecisive than ever, but somehow becomes the Pirate King. There are more of those pirates with the stuff that grows out of their face (yuck). And of course there are more people turning from the British Royal Navy to be a pirate.

I kind of wanted Horatio Hornblower to show up and kick some pirate booty (pun intended). Oooh! I think I have a plot for Pirates of the Caribbean 4. It will be called "New World's Bounty, The True Story of Capt. Hornblower's Commander." Ioan Gruffudd as Horatio Hornblower, Russel Crowe as Capt. Jack Aubrey (Master and Commander) and Mel Gibsom as Fletcher Chritian (The Bounty) will star as the dynamic trio that take back control of the seas. In their quest they sober-up Jack Sparrow and get him to join them in making all of the pirates turn from their evil ways - luring them in with casks and casks of rum. What won't a pirate do for Ye Olde Rum? If that doesn't sound interesting to you, you shouldn't bother with Pirates 3, either. It makes far less sense. Believe me.

It's a horrible movie. Period. For THE BEST RECAP EVER - visit my man, the ninja.


do you know how I know you're gay?

Because you eat madeleines at baseball games.