my husband and I agree...

This is how we feel at the end of Lost.

disconnected?

Something is causing a disconnect with some people in my life. I don't know what it is. Lately, I have been feeling like that person who always has crap going on in her life, so you avoid her so she doesn't talk to you about it. I knew someone like that once and I called him Sad Guy John. God, I hope I am not becoming one of those people. I just think the has been a rough year. Plus, I'm dealing with a whole new 8-year-old bundle of joy who lives with us, now. I think this must be what it's like to be all those people that keep dropping off the face of the planet the second they have kids. Formerly being a part-time step mom, this feeling of having no life never really surfaced until I started clocking in a full-time position here. I am now: Marla - full time step mom.

It's great spending so much time with Luke, because he's really a cool kid and I love him to pieces. But GOOD LORD he is a lot of delightful work. I take him to school, pick him up from school, do his homework with him, act as room parent in his classroom, participate in Cub Scout Den activities, attend school meetings and somehow try to run a home-based business and get a major fire-loss inventory done in there. It takes a lot of juggling and a lot of sacrifice. I gladly do the Luke stuff, because I enjoy seeing Luke flourish and succeed. I wouldn't do this if I didn't love him.

Every since the fire, people have said to me (and to others) on more than one occasion that they can't believe I haven't left. First of all, after I smack these people upside the head, I ask myself: what kind of deranged person wants a marriage to fail in the midst of crisis? We pulled together as a family. We got some counseling to get through some of the anger, pain and frustration and have really been quite tight since then. Second, what kind of jerk do these people think I am? This horrible accident happened and yes I was upset. But I was careful not to place blame and I certainly never thought of leaving my husband or step son behind. Sure, I wish things had gone differently, but all of us affected by the fire wish that the unchangeable past could be altered.

I am no hero for staying. This is my family. This is where I want to be. Maybe I need to keep telling myself that when I feel so terribly disconnected from what used to be my life. I'm still here. My life just got a lot more wonderfully complicated.

old news, but something I wanted to say

I am no prude. In fact, I have been known (not recently, but in my teens and early 20s) to have a cigarette from time to time. It's still legal to smoke, so while I don't really like the smell or what it does to surrounding lungs I don't really care if people smoke or not. If that person lives with me or is close working-promximity to me, then I might have something more to say.

It's no secret that the media loves Obama - perhaps rightfully so. However, if ANY OTHER candidate/president-elect were caught with a 20-year smoking habit, especially if that person were of the conservative variety, we would not see such a forgiving public. Scoff is you must, but you know it's true. I see blog after blog and comment after comment saying "oh, who cares if he has a smoke?" You know what? That's crap. Because if the cigarette were at the fingertips of another more conservative hand, we would never hear the end about the evils of smoking. We would not see such a forgiving public.

Hypocrisy aside, I worry what having a president who enjoys even just an occasional smoke, will actually cause smoking to increase in the US. "If the president does it, then..." or "If the president falls off the wagon, then there's no chance for me..." I can actually see the tobacco companies wringing their hands in sinister delight.

I don't usually make my political viewpoints known, but I voted for Obama. In my opinion he was the lesser of two evils. I say that, because I want you to be clear that I am not writing this as part of a post-election grudge. There is nothing wrong with loving Obama (except for you, Obama Girl). But I think it's dangerous to put on your rose-colored glasses and say all is well in fairyland, simply because it's Obama who will take office. I hope that we continue to think it's normal to question our leaders and the impact they have on our country and on the world.

macy's brings little magic to our family

***As published by the New York Sun in 1897***

Dear Editor—

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The Sun, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O’Hanlon

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

My Review of My Responsibility Chart Wall Hanging

Originally submitted at One Step Ahead

It's fun to learn responsibility with our task-tracker wall hanging — 'cuz kids love adding stars as they work toward their reward! Beautifully embroidered, with stick-on gold stars, chores, and reward tags. 18" x 24", with organizer pouch, pockets, and 78 hook and loop pi...

My Responsibility Chart Wall Hanging

Great Tool to Reward Good Behavior

By Bean from Bay Area, CA on 11/25/2008

 

5out of 5

Gift: No

Pros: Good Value, High Quality, Durable

The "My Responsibility" chart has really motivated my son to be proactive about doing his chores and personal hygene. We choose his rewards together. He loves getting a star for doing so well. We had tried other more complicated versions of a responsibility chart, but my husband and I felt it was overwhelming for our autistic son. I also like that he has 5 areas to focus on each week. That makes it easy for him to remember. I think anyone with young children, whom they area trying to teach some independent levels of responsibility to their children would find this chart invaluable. I only wish I had found it earlier.

(legalese)

numb.

I feel numb.

It seems like no matter what... I feel numb.

Guess I need some counseling.

update for the blog

I can't even begin to thank you for all of the prayers, all of the love and all of the support we have been receiving. I have never seen such a flood of love and all of us will be touched by it for our entire lives.

Things with the fire resolution are progressing. A forward motion is very welcome. And although the roof work will not begin for another 3 weeks or more, I am starting to recover from the shock. This week I get to continue to go through more of our charred, black, ruined belongings. It did not take long to discover that I don't really care that much about the "stuff." It's just stuff. It's sad to lose my photos and sentimental items, but they are not what's important. And what is, can never be taken from us. Of course, I will always miss Starbuck, but I remain grateful for her companionship, she was truly a wonderful, loving pet.

They say that losing a home is likened to losing a loved one. I can definitely relate to the grieving process. And there are times when I get overwhelmed with the thought of it all, but I try to look at the good that can come out of it. I understand what it means to take some blind steps of faith and just trust that God will take care of us. We have lept off many steep, dark, bleak caverns and we have every reason to believe that, through Christ, we will continue to land on our feet in the light. My family has bonded in a way that I never knew we could and I think that this experience will strengthen us as a unit and as individuals.

I can honestly say that I have little care for the trivial. And I think I have FINALLY learned not to save things for a special occasion. Every day you have your family and loved ones around you is a gift. I have spent so many years saving things for a special moment, only for them to be gone without ever being used. So, no more!

As Paul has said to me - I don't think we'll ever say that fire was a good thing. But God will use it for his glory. I can say that I truly believe all things happen for a reason and that I can choose to dwell on the negative or I can focus on the good that has and will come out of this horrible situation. My family has chosen the later. Of course, that's much easier typed than practiced, but we will live differently forever.

Crossroads is an amazing church. I have never witnessed anything like what they have done for us. We have never felt alone in these weeks after the disaster. As someone who has been attending and leading at Crossroads for over 8 years, I never fully understood the all-encompassing feeling of family and community until this. Maybe that's because I spent so much energy denying help, but accepting it when we desperately needed it turned out to be a humbling, beautiful gift. It's difficult to accept help when you feel you don't deserve it.

Our pastors Paul and Freddy were on the scene of the fire and brought us food and shoes and met our needs in so many practical ways. But on a spiritual level, it was much more than food and shoes. They were the arms of Christ to bring us comfort.

For all of the rest of you who have prayed for us, sent us kind words, checked in on us, brought us food, sent us gift cards, donated clothes, gave us a fully-loaded backpack and donated toys over the past few weeks - you, too, have been the arms of Christ. We do not take your generosity lightly, but with grateful, humble hearts.