a new look at myself

I am sitting at my desk, today, wondering how I am so fortunate. How is it that there is so much suffering in the world, so much devastation right in my own country and I still feel numb? My heart breaks a little when I read about Rebekah and poor little Maggie. I start to cry when I look at photos of Hurricane Katrina. I remain holed-up inside my bubble-life and I don't see this stuff up-close and personal. I don't see poverty, I don't see the face of hunger nor the expression of utter loss on my neighbors. My trials seem insignificant. For goodness sake, I am fighting a cause to not shop - a fight unworthy of the least of my attention. I know my life must seem petty to many of you. I feel like nothing I do amounts to anything if I do not experience, first-hand, the horror outside of my little world. I promise you, friends, that I do not turn a blind eye. I just do not physically run into it. I have to make a conscious effort to face it head-on. I live in an affluent area where our biggest problems and cause of distress seems to be over traffic. But I know that not 40 miles from here, in Oakland and Richmond, there is poverty and terrorized people living in fear of their own neighborhood. I know there are hurting people within my grasp, but I do not reach out. At times I just feel like a coward, but I know God did not give us a spirit of fear. So it must be my choice to cower.

Of course, my prayers extend to the victims of this catastrophic event in the South, as well as to the little children and their families suffering with cancer, but today's prayer will also be for a teachable spirit and a willingness to reach out. Too often, I forget to reach beyond myself. I think that I do, but really I feel there is so much more that I could be doing for others. I feel tied down by my life and I have to change that, because I know that God is more concerned about my availability than my ability. In words stolen from Rick Warren: it's not about me.